It was mentioned earlier that I wasn’t allowing myself to purchase any books this year, among other things. And then in the last week of Month Two of my Shopping Ban, I bought not one, but THREE books. ‘What the heck happened?’ you’re asking. ‘There are ten more months to go!’
I asked myself the same thing. What was it about this particular week that left me so vulnerable? What was different? Well, for starters, I wasn’t even living at home, I was critter sitting at my daughter’s while she was in Cancun. And I was entirely by myself. Except for 3 dogs and an evil cat. But I enjoy alone time. I could easily become a hermit on a mountain side somewhere, away from it all. Crowds drain me. I’m the poster child for introverts everywhere. Give me a stack of books and no interruptions, and I’m at my happiest. And I brought almost a dozen books, and my iPad with all my kindle and Kobo titles. So that can’t be why. (Maybe I can blame it on the cat?)
Wait, I started a new diet that week, didn’t I? Oops. Forgot about that correlation. I noticed a few years back, when I did the HCG diet, the one where you subsist on 500 calories a day and inject hormone shots into your abdominal fat every morning. It was a six-week stint, and I survived it, as well as lost the weight I intended (still wouldn’t recommend it, though). But strangely, the Visa bill was much higher than normal, and I was thinking I should have saved money during that time, considering I ate only a quarter of what I usually ate. So I took a closer look, and found I had spent around $400 in six weeks, on BOOKS. Without even realizing that I was doing it. I read somewhere about the quirks of willpower. You may be able to exercise it in one area of your life, but then it bails on you in another area. I’m hoping now that I have noticed that weakness creeping in, that I can nip it in the bud this time. But I don’t feel as bad now, once I read in The Willpower Instinct, that a large percentage of dieters often cheat on their significant others! My willpower isn’t THAT out of whack! And I think there’s more than just a lack of willpower contributing in those situations, to say the least.
As for the rest of my list of banned items? I walked right by the yarn bins at Walmart yesterday. I didn’t even stop to enjoy the colours and textures. You would have been so proud of me! Thought about looking at sports wear, but I pushed right on by there too. I want to be able to conquer this challenge I’ve set for myself, and I’m disappointed that I did make this mistake so early in the game, but at least I caught it and figured out WHY. Being more mindful of my choices in every part of my life is important if I want to make changes to my health, my home, my lifestyle. Enough with vague resolutions or wishing on stars.
I also want to focus on my writing, which seems to have taken a back seat in my life, even though I say that it’s important to me. I decided to start The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, which is a self-help guide to getting creatives unstuck. And I feel stuck, BIG TIME. I’m starting week 2 of the 12 week program, and I’m learning about some of my blockages. But this isn’t my first time trying this program, and I feel some major resistance this time, for some reason. I’m not sure why that is, but I resolve to battle through it. Hopefully, I will become a better writer for it.